All weightlifting programs with the aim of building muscle mass should be stamped with a big red warning on the packaging. As soon as you start pumping iron on the regular, a lot of big and dramatic changes will start making their impression felt in your life.
These changes will not only effect yourself but everyone around you. The following side effects are classified as deadly and should not be taken lightly. Please learn from the mistakes I have made!
1st Deadly Side Effect – You’re Going To Watch Everyone Die
One unfortunate side effect of regular gym sessions is that you will become outstandingly healthy. Many people aim for this. But they fail to take the bigger picture into consideration. Think about this for a minute. The odds will be stacked firmly in your favor that you will live a lot longer and probably outlive all your friends, workmates, family and anyone that matters to you.
Working out with weights is one of the best activities you can do for your health, fitness and longevity. You will age gracefully and look sizzling hot well into your later years but can you handle the pain of watching everyone you know, keel over one after the next until you’re the last person standing all alone? Nobody will be by your side, except the dumbbells laying there on the floor. Can you really live like this?
Think of the tragic consequences!
2nd Deadly Side Effect – You’re Going To Go Broke
Check your bank balance for the last time because after you start working out with weights you’re going to break down in tears each time you look at your account balance as money gets sucked out week after week. You might as well get a second job and start multiple relationships with several credit cards because you’re going to need a serious boost to your income.
You’re going to become totally obsessed with working out after you see the ongoing evolution of your rock hard abs, chiseled pecs and massive guns in the mirror. This obsession will not stop and it will take over your life. Sooner or later you are going to want to upgrade everything around you so that your obsession will be satisfied (even though this is impossible) . You’re going to want the best membership from the most exclusive gyms. You’re going to throw out your whole wardrobe and replace it with clothing that shows off your big beefy arms and your fully loaded chest. Prepare to spend a lot of time at the supermarket too, because you’re going to need a ton of food to maintain your tank like body.
You think money grows on trees? Come on and get real! All these things don’t come cheap. Does it sound like fun getting big muscles in exchange for a small bank account? The economy is in ruins, don’t you think it is better to sit in front of the television, become a couch potato, and save your money?
Think silly. That’s right. It’s a no-brainer!
3rd Deadly Side Effect – Your Relationship Will Head For The Rocks
Everywhere you go, you’re going to have women staring at you seductively and stopping you in the street, the shopping mall, when you’re walking the dog and just about everywhere else. These women aren’t stopping you to tell you that you have a stain on your shirt or that you look like a creep. No, no, no. Their eyes won’t be able to resist your hot bod. The closer they get to it, the weaker they will get at the knees. They ones who are able to get close to you without falling over themselves or opening their mouth and nothing comes out but a squeak, will probably say one or more of the following statements:
1. You are so f**cking hot!
2. Are you single? (even if your holding hands with your girlfriend or wife)
3. Take me now, please, I beg of you.
The fact is, working out is going to make you super hot. You cannot deny this. You’re going to be the blueprint of health and what a “real” man should look like. This can have disastrous consequences if you’re in a relationship. Can you imagine how terrible it will be when every time you step out into public, you’re going to be “bringing sexy back”. Do you really want to lose the one that you love as you gain the muscle that you love? You can’t be greedy and have both. Choose wisely!
You may be thinking, “hey I’m single, this side effect sounds pretty awesome”. That’s where you’re wrong my hopelessly confused friend…
4th Deadly Side Effect – You’re Going To Contract An STD
You better watch out because the 4th deadly side effect is super serious so you better be paying attention. One of the deadliest side effects when you become a gym junkie is that your testosterone levels will shoot through the roof.
This is not good if you are currently single because you’re going to want to have a lot more sex with a lot more women. You should definitely prepare because your sexual appetite is going to go way beyond just the appetizer. Multiple partners = multiple problems. This is an equation you don’t want to mess around with and it doesn’t take an Einstein to work this out.
Please wear a condom at all times and practice safe sex, especially if you have been working out because your testosterone level are going to cause you to act like a dog on heat. The more you get jiggy with it, the greater the chances of getting jiggy with an STD also.
You have been warned!
5th Deadly Side Effect – Your Going To Become Stupid
Think about all the things that you were scared to do in your life…public speaking, asking out the hottest girl in your neighborhood, approaching your asshole boss for a pay rise, diving out of an airplane with a parachute on your back, standing up to the office bully by the Coke machine. Now, you cannot do anything about the past but if you were too scared to do these things back then, the likelihood of you being scared to take action on certain things in the future is a given. But when you pump iron your future will change and you will not only be building muscle but you will also be building another deadly side effect…confidence.
So all those things your were to scared to do in the past and things that have yet to come in the future, realize that you’re much more likely to do them, and not just a few of them, more than likely you will do all of them. As your confidence rises within you, you’re going to have the balls to do things your former “self” would have classified as down right stupid behavior.
Most people run from fear, don’t you want to be like the rest of the sheep who are consumed by it and stay in that pleasurable place called the comfort zone? Can you imagine how scary it would be to face all your personal nightmares? Come on you’re not that stupid are you?
It’s Time To Make A Choice…
So there you have it the 5 deadly side effects of muscle building workouts. Please read through this list again and ask yourself, are these side effects really worthy of building muscle mass? Please don’t think that you won’t be stuck down by these side effects. You because they will. I am a victim of all 5 of these deadly side effects. Don’t become another muscle building statistic.
If you do the smart thing and choose to heed my warnings and stop this foolish quest to build muscle mass, there are many other great exercises that you can do. Many of which don’t have any deadly side effects…like walking. Oh, lawn bowls is another great one. So drop the dumbbells, ask for a refund on your gym membership (good luck), drop your muscle tops off to charity (like anybody else will fit into them) and go for a brisk walk instead or play some bowls.
You can thank me later!
This is too funny but so true at the same time!
Glad you liked it
Excellent read! You made some key points within your article. Exactly what i was looking for! Thanks again!
I am very happy that I found this blog it was most interesting and very insightful.
Larry
My boyfriend is an addict to Muscle Building, I will let him know about this, to be save him. lol. Thanks
Nice one brenda!
Ridiculously funny parody of the not so negative’ side effects of getting fit. It might be a bit over stated, but these side effects’ are true to some extent. Many would love to have these problems. On a serious tip though, the side effect about out living your friends and family and looking younger is absolutely true. There are plenty of studies that prove regular exercise (at least 1 hour a day) do extend your life and prevent degenerative ailments like arthritis and even Alzheimer’s disease. Many famous actors look more than ten years younger than their actual age because they stay fit. The part about the increased libido is also true. I’ve experienced it myself. LOL
They are most definitely “serious” side effects Melvin
All in all that was a pretty funny post. I realize that maybe it wasn’t supposed to be but when you think about somebody improving their life and having those side effects it really isn’t that bad.
I thank my lucky stars I found this post. At the moment I am a big fat slob who was thinking of getting myself a gym membership and working out. Now I have seen the terrible downside of getting ripped I will be be happy in my flabby body, safe from women hitting on me all day long.
These side effects are outrageous and humorous, but I will add my own take and write down my own side effects which I have experienced in 20 years of trying various work out regimens. These side effects are not as funny as the ones in this article, but they are realistic and positive symptoms which you can experience once you start to work out on a regular basis. One: Physiological Dependency; Once you become accustomed to getting the pump every week, your body will feel strange when you go without working out over two weeks. You will feel your muscles limp and even twitch because it is your body telling you it needs the pump. Two: Psychological Dependency: just as an alcoholic begins to depend on liquor to feel good, so too will you depend on workouts in order to feel confident. When you miss workouts, you will feel a lack of confidence and as if your muscles are smaller – even if they have not atrophied.
Some of my own side effects include not feeling confident when I am missing workouts. I am at the age where if I do not exercise for an hour every day, I will gain weight that day. I am either losing fat or gaining it and that is why when I go a few days without working out, I feel a major lack of confidence. So I guess I have become psychologically dependent on my fitness regimen. Some may call it being vane, but I do not thing vanity is a bad thing. I think it is a virtue that leads to good long term health because if you care enough about your appearance, you will exercise regularly in order to look your best and that will cause you to lead a healthy lifestyle.
Not feeling confident if you miss a workout sounds like a pretty good “side effect” to me. Even though it’s a negative motivation driver, it will help push you down the road to consistent training. So definitely a good side effect
This was a very entertaining post. I am not sure if you were trying to be serious or not but I don’t think most guys are going to read this and think “Oh my gosh, I’m going to stop lifting right now because I might end up having to many women chase after me NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! As a matter of fact I don’t think any of the reasons given would stop any of them. So as I said this was very entertaining thanks for the giggle.
Yes this was definitely a tongue in cheek post, glad you had a laugh!
I want to express my admiration of your writing skill and ability to make readers read from the beginning to the end. I would like to read newer posts and to share my thoughts with you.
Hey Rich, it’s an honor to have you on board. Thanks for the comment.
I always prefer to read the quality content and this thing I found in you post. Thanks for sharing!
I feel so strange because I have been on a vacation of sorts for over a week now at my friends new home, which is why I came in the first place – to help her move…Some vacation. Anyway, My point is that I have become so accustomed to working out in the privacy of my own home that I can not fathom working out at a gym. Which brings me to why I am feeling strange. I have not worked out since I left my home except for the following thing which could give other readers some ideas. Her new home is a large property with lots of grass. So when I take her two little dogs out for a walk, once a day, I race them by sprinting and they make great workout partners because they love to race.
It’s important to be flexible with your training. I travel quite a lot and I’m always zipping off on some adventure overseas so it’s important to have an “on the go” routine as well as your standard routine. I might actually write up a blog post about training while away from home. Thanks for the idea